Wednesday Randomness: What Motivates Me

Happy Wednesday! 

Today, we’re talking about what motivates us. Fairly broad topic, actually, but I decided I’d talk about what motivates me as far as writing is concerned. So here we go… What motivates me to write. 

Surrrounding myself by people who are supportive and understanding. 
There’s a reason I listed this one first. It’s SO important. I’m incredibly lucky in who I share my life with. My husband is pretty awesome–for many reasons, not the least of which is he is so supportive when it comes to my writing and my career. I’d be in a bad, bad place without him, let me tell you. 

Friends, certainly fall under this, as well. I have some pretty amazing friends. Talking with them–whether on IM, via email or the phone, or in person–is motivating. And none of them are afraid of giving me a kick in the ass when needed (which I’m ashamed to say is all too often)

Conferences and Retreat
Conferences are so much fun. Getting to connect with readers and other authors. Seeing friends, making new ones. There is something about the energy at conferences… Even though I come home exhausted, I’m pumped up too. I’m ready to sit town and WRITE. It’s awesome. 

Retreat!!! I’m talking about the fabulous retreat I take every year to the Upper Peninsula of Michigan with an amazing bunch of ladies. 

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A weeks spent on Lake Superior, great company lots of wine, and WRITING. This year, I wrote over 15K words while there… and we did plenty of other things as well. Being there is so motivating and I get so much done. And like with conferences, I come home just as motivated to KEEP writing.

 
Accountability

Some of this is just to myself, but let’s face it, when you have to answer to someone else…that’s strong motivation, yeah? While writing my last book, I found sending chapters to friends–Bronwyn and Kris and Gwen–kept me honest and on track. Nothing like getting an email or IM saying, hey, where’s the next chapter? 😀 

Readers
There is nothing, and I mean NOTHING, like having a reader emailing or tweeting me saying they liked one of my books and/or asking when the next one comes out. That defintiely gets the fingers moving quickly over the keyboard. 🙂 

Rewards
Yeah, it’s totally self-bribery, no doubt about it. But it works. I make deals with myself. Write for an hour or write 1K words, then I can play on Tumblr and gaze at pics like this…

Colin-Morgan-Skinny-in-Rehearsals-for-Mojo-photo-by-Simon-Annand-1024x712

Come on…THAT’S motivating, yeah? 


Or I can read (usually a filthy fanfic or something) for a half hour or so. But I set a timer so that when my time is up, I get back to writing, working towards the reward. 😀 

And that’s it. That’s how I’m motivated to keep plugging away and getting the words on the page. Make sure to head on over and see what motivates the other ladies. 

Until next week…
Hugs, 
~J


MERLIN CLUB: The Tears of Uther Pendragon Parts 1 & 2

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MERLIN CLUB: THE TEARS OF UTHER PENDRAGON PARTS 1 & 2
Or the (First) One with the Copious Amounts of Morgana Smirking
 
RECAP—It’s been about a year since Morgana disappeared with Morgause, and the search continues for her. Arthur, Merlin and the knights come across a field filled with the bodies of Camelot’s patrol. Merlin tries to convince Arthur not to go after the bandits responsible for their deaths but Arthur is determined.
Back in Camelot, Gaius and Uther speak, and the physician tells the king it’s been a year and perhaps the search should be called off, but Uther refuses to give up.
Back in the forest, Merlin and the others come across a camp and attacked by the bandits. There’s a short battle—during which Merlin (hold on to your pants, folks; this is going to SHOCK you) uses magic several times to save Arthur and himself. In the end they are victories, but they see a lone figure approaching. Turns out to be Morgana—who looks a bit worse for the wear and confused.
Back in Camelot again, Gaius examines Morgana and deems her unharmed. When he returns to his chambers, he speaks with a worried Merlin, who wonders if Morgana will reveal that he tried to poison her and what Uther will do to him as a result. The next morning, Gaius wakes Merlin up with a summons from Arthur, who wants Merlin to meet him in Morgana’s chambers. When he gets there, Morgana and Arthur are talking about what happened over the past year, and when the conversation ends with a hug, Morgana notices Merlin standing there. Arthur leaves, and Morgana tells Merlin she understands why he did what he did, that she would have done the same in his position. Relieved, Merlin leaves to do his work.
Morgana goes to Uther. There is swelling music, them walking dramatically toward each other and hugging. 

Uther dries his tears with Morgan’s handkerchief, 

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 All seems happy and lovely until Morgan walks out, a decidedly evil smirk on her face.

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That night, Morgana leaves the castle, going into the woods to a cave where she meets…yeah, you guessed it…Morgause. 

Morgana assures her sister that Uther doesn’t suspect anything and gives Morgause the handkerchief, with Uther’s tears, and the sorceress throws it into a cauldron containing a thick liquid. Honestly, it looked like they were making fudge. I got an awful craving for fudge while watching this, let me tell you. Anyhoo, she also throws in a mandrake root, and a piecing scream sounds. She explains to Morgana that only those with magic can hear the mandrake’s scream. Morgause pulls out the goo-covered root and hands it to Morgana, who returns to Camelot and hides it under Uther’s bed before attending a celebration of her return.

Uther, a bit tipsy, goes out side and hears a noise in the well. When he looks down it, he sees nothing and turns away. Suddenly an arm comes out of the well and grabs him. Looking back, he sees his dead wife in the well, begging him to help her. 

He falls back, screaming, and is found, terrified, by some guards. He is taken to his room to rest at Gauis’ order. After everyone leaves, Morgana smirks at Uther. (The smirking is something that is going to be happening, A LOT. You have been warned.)

With Morgause in the cave again, Morgana says that rumors of Uther’s condition has begun to spread and asks if her sister will go to Cenred. She says she will and he will do what they want. A fresh mandrake root is made and Morgana goes back to Camelot. A guard stops and questions her. Morgana stabs him and pushes him off the battlements. She gets back to her room and hide mandrake in a chest. As she hears Gwen approach, she realizes her cloths are filthy from her journey to the forest. She throws her cloak out of the way. Gwen asks if Morgana needs anything, and she says no. Her curt tone obviously makes the other woman suspicious.
Morgause goes to Cenred, explains the situation—Uther is weak and Camelot is vulnerable—but Cenred is unsure. She assures him they have an ally within the city. When Cendred doubts the loyalty of the traitor, she tells him Morgana can be counted on. He agrees to attach Camelot.
In a meeting with the council, Uther is told of the mercenaries Cenred is hiring and the fear that the man is amassing an army. Suddenly, Uther sees a small boy, soaking wet, in the room. No one else can see him. 
Ghost_boy
The king yells at the apparition to get out and eventually has to be dragged from the room from Arthur and Leon.

Gauis explains to Merlin that Uther killed those who practiced sorcery, including children by drowning during the Great Purge.

The warning bells sounds—the body of the guard Morgana stabbed has been found. The knife used to injure the man has the sigil of the Blood Guard—an order of warriors that protected the High Priestesses of the Old Religion. Gaius tells Arthur he fears there is a traitor in Camelot. Also, the guard is still alive and can soon name his attacker. Morgana overhears this and secretly goes to Gaius’ chambers and poisons the guard.
Merlin checks on Uther and notices some of the goo on the floor. But he’s interrupted when someone comes into the chambers. He dives under the bed and discovers the mandrake root, which is quickly snatched. He sees that it’s Morgana as she exits the room. He follows her (ah, creeper Merlin, I’ve missed you.) out of Camelot into the words. Hiding, he watches her meet Morgause.  Morgana tells her sister that everything is in place but Merlin is getting suspicious of her. Morgause says he’ll need to be dealt with, and Morgana says that will be easy to do since he followed her. Realizing his hiding is useless, Merlin stands and tries to flee but is soon caught and knocked out.
When Merlin wakes, he’s in chains in front of Morgause. 

She questions him—why would he go through so much trouble to save Arthur and Camelot? He’s just a servant. Merlin says he believes Arthur will be a fair and just king, leaving out, of course, his magic and their destiny and all that jazz. Morgause believes there more, that Merlin is hiding something. She doesn’t spend too much time trying to figure out what, though, and says he can take his secrets to his grave. She leaves, and Merlin tries to break the chains, but they are enchanted. Serkets (big ass scary scorpion things) begin to come out of the forest to surround him. He blasts them with magic, but one still manages to wound him with its stinger. He succumbs to the poison but manages to call out to Kilgharrah (DRAGONSPEAK!) before passing out. As the serkets move in, the dragon arrives and drives them away with dragon fire. He then carries Merlin to safety.

Cenred’s thousands of men begin the march towards Camelot. Morgause watches smugly. In Camelot, Gauis is begging Arthur to take control, but the prince refuses to give up hope of his father’s recovery.
Kilgharrah has taken Merlin to a cave and used magic to heal his wound and break the chains. 


Merlin wakes but is still unable to move because of the serket poison still in his system. Merlin thanks the dragon for saving him and then says he should’ve listened to Kilgharrah’s advice about Morgana. The dragon is pretty damned gracious about the whole things. He says that Merlin’s desire to see good in everyone will be downfall, and now Morgana and Merlin are forever joined. She is the dark to his light, the hate to his love.

Once Merlin has recovered, he catches a ride on Kilgharrah and is dropped off close to Camelot. 

As he flies off, he tells Merlin to be careful, the battle for Camelot is about to begin. Merlin immediately tells Gauis about Morgana and Morgause’s alliance and how they are responsible for the state Uther is in. They go to the king and find Uther crying in a corner, the visions of Ygraine and several children haunting him. Merlin takes the mandrake root from beneath the bed and throws it in the fire, breaking the enchantment. The king is put to bed to rest and recover. While Merlin thinks they should tell Uther of Morgana’s involvement, Gauis says Uther would never believe their word against Morgana’s.

The next day, Merlin goes to Arthur’s chambers—which are a huge mess. Arthur is pissed about Merlin’s absence. Merlin asks if he would be excused if he was dying…

Morgana discovers the mandrake has been destroyed and that Merlin is alive. She pulls him aside and warns him that if he says anything about her and Morgause’s plan, she’ll tell Uther Merlin tried to poison her. That night, she goes to Morgause and tells her what’s happened. Morgause assures her that all is well and gives Morgana a staff carved from the rowan tree on the Isle of the Blessed, telling her sister she must play her part. Morgana says she fears her magic isn’t strong enough, but Morgause isn’t worried.
Leon reports the impending attack of Cenred’s army to Arthur, saying the army outnumbers Camelot’s forces two to one. Gaius suggests they try to negotiate with Cenred, even if it only buys them more time. Arthur orders Camelot prepare for a siege, knowing negotiations with Cenred are useless, and also orders people from outlying villages take shelter within the city.
That night, as Cenred’s army surrounds the city, Merlin helps Arthur prepare for battle. He tells Arthur he will be Camelot’s greatest kind and that the victory he will win will be remembered forever. Arthur is clearly touched.
The battle begins, and Uther ignores all advice and puts on his armor and joins the fight. He is hit with an arrow in the leg and Cenred’s men break through the barricades—causing Arthur to order a retreat into the castle. When Cenred tells Morgause the castle will be more difficult to take than the lower town, she tells him Morgana will come through for them.
Inside the castle, Gaius is tending the wounded but also keeping a close eye on Morgana. She leaves and takes the staff Morgause gave her down into the crypts below the castle. She drives it into the stone floor and the resulting blast of magic is felt by both Merlin and Morgause—it looks like Merlin is bitchslapped while Morgause seems to have a magical orgasm as a result. Dozens of skeletal hands burst from the crypts, and suddenly Camelot’s forces are fighting two fronts—Cenred’s army on one side and the dead on the other. The problem with the dead army? The knights can’t kill what is already dead.
Merlin races down to confront Morgana. He begs her to stop, but she says she has no intention of showing Uther mercy; as he has hunted down anyone like her. Merlin doesn’t reveal his magic but says there must be another way and that magic could surely be used for good. Morgana doesn’t listen and they fight—with swords—until Merlin secretly uses his magic to cause part of the ceiling to collapse and Morgana is knocked out. He then magically destroys the staff and the army of the dead collapses.
As he sees the battle begin to turn in Camelot’s favor, Cenred orders his army to retreat, despite Morgause saying he’s failed her.
After the battle, Merlin tries to tell Arthur what has happened, but Morgana is too quick… She has taken all the credit for destroying the staff and stopping the undead army. Uther praises her and vows that the war against magic will be more vigilant. All the while Morgana and Merlin are glaring at each other quite intensely.

In Gaius’ chambers, Merlin complains that Uther doesn’t see who Morgana really si. Gauis says that Morgana will try to destroy Uther and Camelot again and warns Merlin to be careful when it comes to her. Merlin claims he feels nothing but sadness for her, that she is so twisted by hate now. The older man asks that Merlin never become like her, and Merlin says he never will. Then, Arthur bursts in, demanding Merlin for chores. So yeah, back to normal and that is the end of the episode(s).
If I’d written this episode, I would have changed… I would say I wish Merlin told Morgana about his magic, but honestly, it’s too late for that, yeah? That should have happened before. Specific to this episode, I can’t think of anything. 😦 
 
Thing(s) I loved about this episode—A lot of things… there we some great moments between Arthur and Merlin. Particularly the scene when Merlin tells Arthur he is going to be Camelot’s greatest king. 
 
DRAGONSPEAK. 
And a big one? Arthur being right in the battle. I mean, Cenred is off watching from a distance; Arthur is there with his men fighting. Love that. I guess he learned something really awesome from Uther after all. 🙂 
 
Thing(s) I hated about this episode—Constant smirking and no one notices. Seriously? It’s maddening. 
 
Something I never noticed about this episode before—Arthur wears his mom’s ring. 
 
Here is proof of some head canon I’ve created—The difference in Morgana is so great, I’m even more convinced Morgause mandraked her ass. The desire for revenge against Uther being so strong that it doesn’t matter if hundreds or thousands of innocent people die…that does not fit the Morgana we know. The one who risked everything to save a boy, the one who went to Ealdor and fought for villagers she didn’t know. It’s too big of a turnaround, IMO, for it just to be she’s pissed off at Uther. SOMETHING was done to her. 
 
Favorite costume—Morgana’s outfit during the battle. I had a helluva time find an image. But here’s a collage of images of her and Merlin fighting… Her outfit is kick ass. 
 
What would Bron steal from Camelot in this episode? The rowan staff. (Sorry for horrible pic)
 
What made Jen lose her shit (in a good or bad way) in this episode? In a good way? Uther in armor and fighting in the battle. 
 
I think she may have swooned. 
 

Jen’s Merlin Club: The Tears of Uther Pendragon Parts 1 & 2 Post

Next week, 7/28 at 8pm EST, we’ll be watching S03E03 Goblin’s Gold. We’ll be on Twitter with the hashtag #MerlinClub

Wednesday Randomness: Playlist of the Moment

Happy Wednesday, everyone. 🙂 

Today’s topic…sharing a playlist. The playlist I listen to most recently is kinda specific to a book I’m writing, but honestly, I just love the songs. Some of them are…well, some may consider them slightly depressing. As I was listening to it in the car on the way to our family camping trip, one of my kids piped up from the back “What is up with the slow, depressing songs? Geez!” So you’ve been forwarned. 


World Spins Madly On – The Weepies


Trying Not to Love You – Nickelback 

Your Love is a Song – Switchfoot
Crawling Back to You – Daughtry
Secrets – OneRepublic
the lonely – Christina Perri
I Won’t Let Go – James Morrison
I Will Wait – Mumford & Sons
Prodigal – OneRepublic
I Won’t Give Up – Jason Mraz
Bleeding Out – Imagine Dragons
What You Mean to Me – Christopher Wilde 
Come Back to Me-  Trading Yesterday
Something I Need – OneRepublic
Gone, Gone, Gone – Phillip Phillips
What Went Wrong? – Until June
Burning Bridges – OneRepublic
Halo – Haley James Scott
One Last Chance – Daughtry
Marchin On – OneRepublic
Demons – Imagine Dragons

C’est La Mort – The Civil Wars
The Beacon – A Fine Frenzy
White Blank Page – Mumford & Sons
Battle Cry – Imagine Dragons
Dark Paradise – Lana Del Rey
Maybe – Ingrid Michaelson
10am Gard du Nord – Keaton Henson
Breath of Life – Florence + the Machine
Home – Phillip Phillips
Say Something – A Great Big World
Somewhere Only We Know – Keane
Calls Me Home – Shannon LaBrie
Need – Hana Pestle
In My Place – Coldplay
Only You – Matthew Perryman Jones
arms – Christina Perri 

Wherever You Will Go – The Calline

F**kin’ Perfect – P!nk
Counting Stars – OneRepublic
I’d Come For You – Nickelback
I Would Die For You – Matt Walters
Shattered – Trading Yesterday
How Far We’ve Come – Matchbox Twenty
You and Me – Lifehouse
Monster – Imagine Dragons
Last to Know – Three Days Grace
In My Dreams – James Morrison
Your Arms Feel Like Home – 3 Doors Down
Look After You – The Fray
Broken – Seether
My Immortal – Evanescence
Here Without You – 3 Doors Down
Come Home – OneRepublic
Goodbye For Now – Nick Urb
‘Til Kingdom Come – Coldplay
Heart’s on Fire – Passenger
Echo – Jason Walker
Soldier – Gavin DeGraw
Savin’ Me – Nickelback

There you go – That’s four hours… LOL Yeah, some of the songs are sad and I end up like this…

 

If anyone is on Spotify, I have the playlist up there. Click here to check it out. 

Norris, did you notice there are THREE Nickelback songs on there?? And damn, that list is OneRepublic heavy. LOL 


Check out what the other ladies are listening to. 

MERLIN CLUB: The Last Dragonlord

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MERLIN CLUB: THE LAST DRAGONLORD
Or the One Viewed With Tears, Squees, and Temporary Blackouts
RECAP—The Great Dragon is free, courtesy of a certain young warlock, and is currently terrorizing Camelot. Arthur and his knights are in the city as Gaius and Gwen treat the wounded. Gwen is worried about Arthur, and Gaius tells her to have faith him.
As Arthur and the men take posts with flaming arrows (really? Flaming arrows against a dragon…doesn’t seem like a good plan), Merlin says he’s sorry, and Arthur says it’s not his fault the dragon is free. The dragon flies over and the men fire on him, which does nothing and the dragon breathes fire on them.
Gwen heads out to the well to get more clean water to treat those with injuries, and is right in the middle of the danger zone. Arthur sees her and rushes to save her from the dragon. 

They both survive, but Arthur is wounded. Merlin enchants a spear and throws it at the dragon, but it just bounces off. The dragon taunts Merlin then flies away.

While tending to Arthur’s wounds, Gwen says he shouldn’t have risked himself for her. He holds her hand over his heart and says he wasn’t going to let anything happen to her. Gaius clearly ships the two of them together, and smiles when he sees this tender moment. Merlin comes back, feeling pretty down about everything.
The next day, Arthur is reporting to Uther, giving him a run down of the damage to Camelot. The king is furious the dragon is free and determined Camelot’s forces will defeat this abomination. Gaius says a Dragonlord can end the attack. Although Uther all but wiped them out, one may still be alive. His name is Balinor. Despite Uther’s protests, Arthur decides he will go find this man. Before they leave Gaius shares with Merlin that he helped Balinor escape Camelot all those years ago, and the Dragonlord went to Ealdor and was given shelter by Hunith, Merlin’s mother. Turns out Balinor is, in fact, Merlin’s father.  Merlin is pissed that he was never told. Before Merlin and Arthur leave, Gaius advises Melin to keep Balinor’s relationship to Merlin secret from Arthur.
Arthur and Merlin arrive at an inn where they inquire about Balinor. Later in their room, Arthur questions Merlin over his quiet mood. The innkeeper tries to steal Arthur’s gold as they sleep but is caught. He then shares what he knows about Balinor—the man lives in isolation, in a cave, and basically hates people. They set out for the cave, but Arthur’s injury is more serious than first thought and passes out. Merlin presses on with the unconscious prince. When he finds Balinor, he asks for help in healing Arthur. The older man agrees. Merlin lies at first, giving Balinor the name Lancelot when asked who Arthur is. But the Dragonlord isn’t fooled—he knows full well it is Uther Pendragon’s son. After some conversation, while Arthur is still out—Balinor refuses to come to Camelot to help. He says he understands the dragon’s—whose name is Kilgharrah—reasons as he has suffered at Uther’s hands greatly.

The look on Merlin’s face when Arthur moans his name while unconscious…it brings me great joy. He’s all like “Not in front of my dad, Arthur!”

When Arthur wakes the next morning, he feels great, but is disheartened to hear of Balinor’s refusal to help.  Back in Camelot, Gaius reassures Gwen that Morgana is safe where ever she is and tells her he’s noticed the bond between Gwen and Arthur. When she says she knows they can never be together, Gaius say she should never underestimate the power of love.
As Merlin and Arthur prepare to return to Camelot, Merlin mentions Gaius to Balinor. The Dragonlord says that Gaius is a good man. Arthur calls Merlin, preventing him from telling Balinor who he really is. On their journey back, Arthur and Merlin have some playful banter mixed with some nice moments too. 

Then they hear a noise. Turns out it’s Balinor who has come to help them after all. While they gather firewood, Merlin tells Balinor he is his son. They bond a bit around the campfire as Arthur snoozes.

The next morning, Merlin wakes to Arthur covering his mouth—with his leather-clad hand…. 

Me…
They are attacked by Cenred’s solders (as they are in his kingdom) Merlin is cornered and about to be run through but Balinor jumps in front of him, saving him. His last words to Merlin are how to defeat Kilgharrah, and he says he seen enough to know that his son will make him proud.
Arthur is upset that the Dragonlord is dead as it was their only hope against the dragon, but Merlin is gutted that his newly found father is gone. They return to Camelot, where Arthur asks his knights to stand with him against the dragon, even if their chances are slim, adding that anyone who refuses will not be looked down upon. Sir Leon (YES!!) is the first to volunteer and the others quickly follow.
Back in his chambers, Merlin mourns his father. He tells Gaius what happened. When he questions if he has the powers of a Dragonlord, Gaius said he would have inherited the gift upon Balinor’s death and time would tell hif he was strong enough to harness that power. Nice, Gaius. Throw the kid a bone, FFS.
Merlin prepares Arthur to face the dragon and tells the prince to be careful and to let things take their course. Arthur is surprised when Merlin heads out with him, ready to face the dragon with him.
When they face the dragon, the knights are quickly put out of commission (don’t worry, our favorite ginger knight—Sir Leon—survives as he always does). Arthur faces the dragon, trying to hit him with a spear as the dragon breathes fire on him. The dragon knocks the prince to the ground and Arthur is *SURPRISE* knocked out.

Merlin, with his father’s voice in his head, is able to speak to the dragon—in dragonspeak, people. DRAGONSPEAK! *fans self* 

 

The warlock spares Kilgharrah’s live, but tells him to never return. The dragon swears to never forget Merlin’s clemency and flies away. When Arthur wakes, Merlin tells him that he dealt the Dragon a mortal blow. Yeah, seems legit, right?

They come back to Camelot. Gwen rushes into Arthur’s arm and they embrace. Gaius meets Merlin, clearly proud of Merlin.
 
If I’d written this episode, I would have changed…I don’t know. I hate that Balinor died, but I know it had to happen for Merlin to become a Dragonlord. I accept it, but don’t have to like it. I don’t think there is anything I would have changed. I love this episode. 
 
Thing(s) I loved about this episode—So many things! Merthur moments & banter. The whole Dragonlord storyline. Arthur in the leather gloves…covering Merlin’s mouth. DRAGONSPEAK! And Colin freaking Morgan acting his ASS off. He makes me cry every single time. 
 
Thing(s) I hated about this episode—I hate, hate, hate that after Balinor dies and Merlin asks Gaius if he thinks Merlin is strong enough to weild the power of a Dragonlord, and Gaius’ response is “Only time will tell.” FFS, Gaius!! Throw the kid a bone! He’s pretty damned low and you can’t even build him up a bit and say “yes, yes I think you’re strong enough.”
 
Something I never noticed about this episode before—I got nothing for this one. This is another episode I’ve seen an embarrassing number of times. 
 
Here is proof of some head canon I’ve created—When no one else returned with Merlin and Arthur at the end, we assume the knights are dead. But, oh, nay, nay….we see Sir Leon again. I have theories that he can never die. More evidence of this later, but this is the beginning…
 
Favorite costume—BALINOR!! I know, I know, he’s all hermit-y and kinda dirty, but admit it, he’s rocking it just the same. 
 
What would Bron steal from Camelot the forest in this episode? The dragon Balinor carved for Merlin
 
What made Jen lose her shit (in a good or bad way) in this episode? That there is still no answer to what the “new religion” is. 
Next week, 7/21 at 8pm EST, we’ll start season three with a two-parter “The Tears of Uther Pendragon”. We’ll be on Twitter with the hashtag #MerlinClub

Wednesday Randomness: Best Summer Memories

Happy Wednesday, all! 

I love summer. Seriously LOVE it. Always have. Thinking of my best summer memories… SO MANY TO CHOOSE FROM! 

When I was little, we lived in Lower Michigan and would go up north to the UP in the summer. Driving 10-12 hours in my parents VW van, listening to classic rock, sleeping while sliding around on the slippery vinyl seat that folded out into a bed…something I’ll always think of when thinking of memories of summers past. 

Not Dad & Mom’s exact van, but it was like this…


Those summer trips, then summers after we moved to the UP, always, always include time on my lake. Lake Superior. We lived close enough, we could ride our bikes to go swimming in the big lake. I love the water and I didn’t care if it was freezing cold, I was jumping in (not the case now that I’m older…brrrrr)

 

Being born on July 3rd, there was always fireworks on my birthday. When I was a kid, I was convinced (BECAUSE EVERYONE TOLD ME!! LIES!!!) that they were for me and everyone was celebrating my birthday. Even though I now know that it was not all for my fabulousness, the memories of waiting anxiously for the fireworks to start then watching the colorful explosions fill the air, those are among my favorite memories of summer. 


Now, go and see what the other ladies’ consider their best summer memories. 🙂 

 
Until next week!
Hugs,
~J

An Excerpt from The Deepest Cut

“The Deepest Cut” is my story in If Ever Ever I Would Leave You. It’s the first in my series Albion’s Circle
 
And you should totally check out excepts from the other stories in the collection.  “A Choice Fit For a Queen” by Abagail Barnette and “Surfacing” by Bronwyn Green.
 
Here is the blurb: 
 
For nineteen years, Anna has been plagued by dreams of lives lived only in legend. Finally free from the family that believed her hopeless and worthless, she’s ready to start her life over—alone. 

When Anna meets an enigmatic stranger claiming to be the legendary wizard Merlin, she is forced to question the very reality she’s struggled to accept. With the mythic figures from her dreams intruding on her waking life, Anna learns that she’s been reborn to fight an ancient evil alongside King Arthur and his Knights of the Round Table. 

Caught in an ages old conflict, Anna is the key to stopping a dark magic that will destroy the world—and Merlin wants to make sure that this time, Anna isn’t alone. 
 
And the excerpt…
 
Fire raced along every inch of my body, just under the skin. Sadly, it wasn’t a new feeling. And, after last night, I’d expected it. What I hadn’t expected was the shakiness and almost constant nausea plaguing me all damned day. It hadn’t been this bad in… I didn’t actually remember it ever being this bad. Not like this.

Usually, I could keep it controlled. If I kept busy and focused on what I needed to do through the day, I was fine. It had always been the nights that gave me problems, but I’d found ways to deal with that, too.

I gripped the counter in front of me as my vision blurred. Shutting my eyes, I tried to concentrate on my breathing. In and out. In and out. I bit back a whimper as faces flashed through my mind. One more than the others. No, no, no. I couldn’t deal with him in my head, not now. I bit my lip hard, focused on the pain. Not ever.

A weight settled on my shoulder, and I opened my eyes.

“Anna? You all right?”


I forced my lips to curve into a smile. Henry, the only other employee in the small

café today, looked concerned.

“I’m fine,” I assured him.


“You’re pale as hell,” he murmured, running his hand down my back. “It’s dead in

here; why don’t you take a break?”

I glanced down at my watch. It was just after seven. “There’s less than an hour ‘til

close,” I protested. “I’m fine.”

Of course my body decided that was the perfect time to show just how fine I wasn’t.

A tremor worked its way from my head to feet, and I had to cover my mouth as the late lunch I’d forced myself to eat threatened to reappear. My eyes stung as they filled with tears.

Henry shook his head. “Nope. Go take a break, and get some water in you. Take your time. If I need you, I’ll holler.” When I hesitated, he used his hand on the small of
my back and pushed me toward the door marked “Employees Only”.

I managed to walk through the tiny kitchen to the break room. Hands trembling, I

grabbed my purse from my locker and stumbled to the restroom. It took three tries to turn the lock, and with a sob, I leaned against the heavy door. Clutching my bag to my chest, I slid down until my ass hit the cold floor.

I don’t know how long I sat there, shaking, trying to pull myself together. And failing miserably. Behind my closed lids, images flipped rapidly, almost too fast to distinguish one from another. Almost. But they were as familiar to me as my own reflection. I knew each and every one. Not just faces this time—though, they were there —but places, buildings, events all clouded my mind, tried to burrow in and refused to be shoved aside. It was fierce and brutal, as if these imaginings were fighting back for all times I’d tried to bury them or cut them out of my life.

It didn’t make sense. I shook my head and moaned as the movement sent a wave of pain through my body. God, why was this happening to me? Why was it getting worse? I knew what my mother would say. I’d stopped taking all the medications she and her army of doctors shoved at me my entire life. Well, I’d stopped years ago, so that wasn’t the reason. And those medications… I’d rather be dead than take them again. I felt dead when I was under their influence. That was the reason I’d stopped. I wanted to feel, to live, and they made that impossible. So, as soon as I’d left home, I threw out the pills and never looked back. Things had gotten bad then, but I learned how to deal with it and function normally—without killing everything that made me me.

At first, on my own, I did a lot of stupid things. Stupid, stupid things. All I wanted to do was feel—so I partied hard, drank more than my fair share, and took just about every drug I came across. Not my finest moments. I got over that real quick. Waking up every morning in a different bed with a different person, with no idea what I’d done… Not how I wanted to go through life.

After a time, I realized some sleeping pills to help me get a solid night’s sleep—a solid, dreamless night’s sleep—was all I really needed.

Until now apparently.

I fumbled with the zipper on my purse and started digging through the contents. My fingers closed around a bottle, and I looked at it resting in my palm. That was the
problem. The pills weren’t working. Fucking Nate. I threw the unlabeled bottle back into the bag as anger joined the constant pain.

Nate was who I got the sleeping pills from. It was easier than trying to get a doctor to prescribe them—they always wanted to talk about why I wasn’t sleeping, and the hell if I was going there with anyone—and cheaper than paying for office visits and all that shit.
My breathing hitched as I felt solid steel at the bottom of my bag. I pulled out the pocketknife with trembling fingers.

The pills I’d gotten from Nate the other night were bad. They had to be. Because the alternative—that I was as crazy as my mother thought I was—couldn’t be. Could it? I wasn’t crazy. I pulled the blade of the knife open and fought against the bile surging up my throat.

I wasn’t crazy. Hitching up my skirt, I stared at my thighs, and the pale thin marks I kept hidden from the world. My vision blurred until I couldn’t see clearly, and I was biting back sob after sob. I couldn’t let Henry hear me. I needed to get control, so I could deal with Nate and his fucking shit-batch of pills.

I wasn’t crazy. I pressed the blade against my inner thigh. I still couldn’t see, but that was okay. I knew just how hard to push, how to drag the sharp tool slowly along my skin. My lids fluttered shut, and my breathing evened out as I felt the initial prick then the soothing sting.

I wasn’t crazy. I just needed to focus. And this…this brought me focus. This made things clear. I opened my eyes and watched crimson well up in thin lines, getting thicker and thicker until it began sliding down, down, down. A few beads dripped onto the floor, and in that moment, everything quieted inside me.

Five. It’d only taken five stripes to come back together again this time. Steadily, I rose to my feet and walked to the sink. I cleaned the knife, dried it and put it back in my purse. Avoiding the mirror—I knew I looked like shit, I didn’t need to see it—I lifted a booted foot to rest on the bar beside the toilet. As I cleaned my leg, blood soaked into the rough paper towels, and the drag against the cuts calmed me further. They wouldn’t stop bleeding so I pulled some Band-Aids from my bag and covered them, with hands that no longer shook.

When I had both legs beneath me again, I splashed cool water on my face and took a
few deep breaths.

“I’m not crazy,” I whispered. “I’m fine.”
 

And you should totally check out excepts from the other stories in the collection.  
“A Choice Fit For a Queen” by Abagail Barnette
 “Surfacing” by Bronwyn Green.
If Ever I Would Leave You is available in all ebook formats
 

MERLIN CLUB: The Fires of Idirsholas

MerlinClub1
MERLIN CLUB: THE FIRES OF IDIRSHOLAS
Or the One Merlin Finally Listens to the Dragon and Breaks Jess’ Heart
 
Before we get to the recap and questions… I’m going to take a moment to squee about If Ever Would I Leave You being released this week. 🙂 

I can’t tell you how excited I am about this book–there just aren’t words to adequately describe it. 

I got to write about Arthurian legend and be a part of a collection with Jenny and Bronwyn – two of the most amazing people I know and am lucky enough to call my friends. 

Not only that, but this book made me fall in love with writing all over again. Seriously. How freaking lucky am I? 

So I invite you to buy this book and enjoy three amazing Authurian-inspired stories. 

 
Surfacing by Bronwyn Green
A Choice Fit for a Queen by Jenny Trout 
and
The Deepest Cut by yours truely. 🙂
 
Available NOW on Amazon & Smashwords

 

And now on to our regularly scheduled Merlin Club post…


RECAP—The episode opens in the ruins of a castle (I think) with Morgause performing magic near seven still figures, and when she is done (Ending with the ominous “Uther Pendragon!” which is never a good thing, yeah?), the figures can now move.

In Camelot, Uther is informed that smoke has been seen from the citadel of Idirsholas. Gaius warns Uther of the legend that says the Knights of Medhir will ride again if the fires of Idirsholas burn. Even though he’s skeptical, Arthur decides to investigate
Gaius tells Merlin what’s what—three hundred years ago, seven of Camelot’s knights were seduced by the sorceress Medhir. They swore to serve her, destroying everything in their path. They only stopped at Medhir’s death, becoming lifeless without her magic.
When Arthur, Merlin and some knights get to Idirsholas, they are met by the Knights of Medhir. 
 
Merlin uses magic to defend them—secretly, of course—but in the end, it’s only Arthur and him who survive. They decide to go back to Camelot to come up with a plan of attack.
Morgana is contacted by Morgause, and they meet in secret. So much tension between the half-sisters…and not the angry kind. O.o 
They both hate Uther so much that Morgana agrees to help Morgause. The sorceress puts Morgana to sleep and performs some sort of spell over her. When Morgana wakes, back in her bed, she finds that a strange illness is sweeping through Camelot—people become weak, tired, and eventually fall asleep.
When Arthur and Merlin return, everyone is asleep, and the boys can’t wake them. They make their way through the castle. In Morgana’s rooms, they find Morgana hiding. Arthur seems suspicious that Morgana is the only one awake, but Merlin says, Gauis gave her a potion before he fell ill, so that must have made her well.
They hurry to get to Uther and hide him as Morgause and the Knights enter the castle. Things go from bad to worse when Arthur and Merlin begin to fall ill with the magical sickness. Merlin says he’ll go search for the potion Morgana took.
He manages to elude the Knights and ends up down below the castle asking the Great Dragon for help. The dragon, who is pretty pissed at Merlin, finally agrees to help when Merlin swears on his mother’s life that he will release him if he does. The only way to break the spell is to kill the source of the magic—Morgana.
Though hesitant and troubled, Merlin takes a bottle of hemlock from Gaius’ chambers and returns to Morgana and Arthur who are trying to get Uther to a cart outside. They are stopped by the Knights, and Arthur fights with them to give Merlin and Morgana a better chance to get Uther out.
Morgana falls, and Merlin ignores when she calls for help. A Knight nearly kills her but stops, as if recognizing her. He goes after Merlin instead but Arthur saves him. The group ends up in the throne room. While Arthur fights off the knights again, Merlin poisons the water he has and offers it to Morgana. She refuses several times, but finally drinks it. She has trouble breathing, and Merlin apologizes as she begins to die.
Morgause senses her sister’s distress and rushes to her. She demands to know what poison Merlin used, but he says he’ll only tell her if she stops the attack. She threatens to kill him, but he points out Morgana will die with him. She halts the attack and Merlin gives her the empty bottle. Morgause uses magic to escape with Morgana.
 
Uther thanks Arthur, but Arthur feels he failed because he didn’t protect Morgana. Uther says it is his fault.  He insists Morgause can’t be allowed to get away with what she has done.
In Gaius’ chambers, the physician tries to comfort Merlin, telling him he did the right thing. He says that Morgana chose to use her gift for evil. Merlin leaves, saying he has to do something. He gets a sword he took from a Knight—crafted in the Old Religion—and goes down to the Great Dragon. He asks what the dragon’s intention are. His response: there is only one road he can take.  When Merlin begs him not to harm Camelot, the dragon says enough bargains have been made. Merlin breaks the chain with the sword and the dragon is free.
 
If I’d written this episode, I would have changed…I don’t know that I’d change anything about this episode specifically. I’ve already talked about things I’d change about events leading to this, but things being what they are…I don’t see anything I’d change, really. 
 
Thing(s) I loved about this episode—The Merthur moments, of course–Arthur protecting Merlin, treating his “first battle wound”. 
The slap, when Arthur starts to fall asleep. 
And freaking A, Colin Morgan. The guy can act. When Merlin poisons Morgana…damn, he’s good. 
 
Thing(s) I hated about this episode—Gauis saying Morgana chose not to use her gift for good. Pisses me off because it was the lies and everything Gaius kept from her that drove Morgana to do what she did (helping Morgause etc). She was desperate for acceptance and love, and didn’t have that in Camelot. She was alone. 
 
Something I never noticed about this episode before—Jen pointed this out when we were watching… When Arthur goes to fight off the Knights, he says “Protect the king.” Not “my father”, but “the king”. Shows how, in that moment, Arthur is all about duty to his king and his people. He’s not thinking as a son. 
 
Here is proof of some head canon I’ve created—The tension between the sisters…there’s something there. Seriously. The incest-y vibe, I can’t be the only one feeling it. 
 
Also this is where Morgana’s character turns completely. She hates Uther, yes, but after this episode and being with Morgause, she becomes completely different when we next see her. I’m convinced Morgause does more than just take care of her; she uses magic to gain Morgana’s full allegience. 
 
Favorite costume
This pic shows my fave costume–the green cloak–and my least favorite–Morgause’s dress. I hate it. 
 
What would Bron steal from Camelot in this episode? Morgana’s cloak. 
 
What made Jen lose her shit (in a good or bad way) in this episode? Oh this is a tough one this week. I’d say Uther lounging on his throne at the beginning of the episode…he’s all lazy and smug…
Next week, 7/14 at 8pm EST, we wrap up season two with The Last Dragonlord.
Get your tissues ready.There will be crying, my friends.

 We’ll be on Twitter with the hashtag #MerlinClub

If Ever I Would Leave You NOW AVAILABLE!!!!!

If Ever I Would Leave You: Arthurian Stories for a New Generation is NOW AVAILABLE
 
I am beyond excited about this. Not only did I get to write a story based on Arthurian legend – and you all know just how much I love that! – but I got to do it with two of my favorite people in the world! 
 
Surfacing
Bronwyn Green
 
A year after Tabby Nolan’s sister vanished from the Lake Michigan shore with her boyfriend, Liam, Tabby visits the spot where the two were last seen– and finds herself pulled into the crumbling world of Avalon.
 
Since his disappearance, Liam has been trapped in the mythical land, with no link to the world he knew. Now, their shared memories of Tabby’s missing sister are all they can cling to as Avalon dies around them.
 
But Tabby doesn’t want to be a replacement for her sister, and her growing attachment to Liam feels like a betrayal. As Avalon fades around them, Liam and Tabby must rely on each other– or be lost with the ancient kingdom forever.
 
Albion’s Circle: The Deepest Cut
Jessica Jarman
 
For nineteen years, Anna has been plagued by dreams of lives lived only in legend. Finally free from the family that believed her hopeless and worthless, she’s ready to start her life over—alone.
 
When Anna meets an enigmatic stranger claiming to be the legendary wizard Merlin, she is forced to question the very reality she’s struggled to accept. With the mythic figures from her dreams intruding on her waking life, Anna learns that she’s been reborn to fight an ancient evil alongside King Arthur and his Knights of the Round Table.
 
Caught in an ages old conflict, Anna is the key to stopping a dark magic that will destroy the world—and Merlin wants to make sure that this time, Anna isn’t alone.
A Choice Fit For A Queen
Jenny Trout writing as Abigail Barnette
 
For perpetual overachiever Madison Lane, a summer studying Arthurian mythology in the Welsh countryside with professor Thomas Evans is a dream come true, and the adventure of a lifetime.
 
Of course, the enormous crush Madison developed on the professor after a semester of his lectures at U of M has absolutely nothing to do with her desire to learn more about the enduring legend of Camelot. At least, that’s what she’s telling her parents.
 
When Madison meets local hottie Rhys Crewe, sparks fly, throwing her plans for a wild fling with Professor Evans completely out of whack—as do her unexpectedly complicated feelings for Thomas. With tales of Arthur and Lancelot haunting her every waking moment, Madison has to make the most difficult choice of her life.

Wednesday Randomness: If I Had a Superpower…

Happy Wednesday, friends! 

Today’s topic is, if I could choose a superpower, what would it be and why. 

After the last couple weeks of craziness (well, life was crazy before then but…), it was easy to choose what superpower I’d like. I want to be able to be able to STOP TIME. 

As in, stop time but *I* can still move while everything and everyone else is frozen. I could get stuff done then, right? Add desperately needed time to my day and get more done. 

I would use this power for good, I promise. I would never EVER abuse my power. 

Shut up, Arthur/Bradley! I would use it for GOOD – so good Merlin/Colin would approve and be impressed with my awesomeness and give me looks like this…

Yeah, any excuse to put pics of these cuties…I’ll take it. Don’t tell me, you’re surprised. 😉


Anyhoo, that’s it from me. Nothing mind-blowing; I just want MORE TIME. 

So get yourselves over to the other ladies’ blogs and see what superpower they would choose. 🙂 

Until next week!

Hugs,

~J

MERLIN CLUB: The Witch’s Quickening

MERLIN CLUB: THE WITCH’S QUICKENING
Or the One Where Mordred Creeps Jess Out Even More Than He Already Did
 
Now, last week…was glorious. Vacation with a group of ladies I adore. Including fellow Merlin Clubbers Bron and Jen. As you can see above, Merlin Club wasn’t forgotten even if we took the week off. 🙂 
 
We also went on a quest. That’s right, my friends, A QUEST. We searched for Camelot…and we found it. Nestled in the sleepy town of Calumet, Michigan. 
After the fabulous week – of talking, laughing so hard I ached, enjoying fabulous wine, and writing like crazy – I came home refreshed and feeling great. Then, things went crazypants, people. So crazypants. I got sick. Something bit me while I was in Michigan. I don’t know what as I was sleeping when it happened. But it was NASTY, and my body didn’t react well to it, and I ended up in the ER. Long story short, I’m on steroids and antibiotics. Not fun. Especially when on deadline. 
 
I am feeling MUCH, MUCH better but, alas, there are only so many hours in the day. So, I’m going to apologize for what will probably be my shortest Merlin Club post ever, because something had to give (besides my sanity) 😦 But I’m not bowing out, because I LOVE MERLIN CLUB! 😀
 
So…on to the recap…
 
Remember creepy kid Mordred?

Well, he’s back. Joining him is Alvarr, 

a sorcerer who wants to—*jazz hands* SURPRISE!—destroy Camelot. 
 
Mordred and Alvarr sneak into Camelot to see Morgana. Merlin hears their mental communication and heads off to figure out what is going on. 
 
Morgana is happy to see Mordred and agrees to steal the Crystal of Neahtid—which will help Alvarr achieve his goals—from the vaults. She does this using Arthur’s keys.
 
Uther flips a nut when he finds out that the crystal is gone
 
 
No one seems to know much about the crystal other than it’s powerful as hell so Merlin goes to the Great Dragon, who is pissed because he hasn’t been set free, which Merlin promised. Appeased by Merlin’s vow to keep his promise when he knows Camelot is safe, the Dragon tells him that whoever controls the crystal will know the past, present and future. He reminds Merlin of the prophecy that Mordred will be the end of Arthur and he will unite with Morgana and do evil shit. 
 
Morgana sneaks out of Camelot to bring the crystal to Alvarr, and creeper Merlin follows her. Alvarr says once Mordred learns to control the crystal, they will destroy Uther and Camelot. He turns on the charm and Morgana is pretty well on board with everything and returns to Camelot. 
 
Merlin tells Gaius what happened, and the physician is worried. Alvarr is a powerful sorcerer and has threatened Camelot before. They go to Uther with a carefully edited version of the story—leaving Morgana’s role in it out. Arthur is sent out to the camp, but Morgana gets there first and warns Alvarr and his people. So when Arthur and his knight’s arrive, they’re ambushed. Big battle. Merlin prevents Mordred from escaping, but Mordred unleashes his magic on the soldiers surrounding him and runs away—not before glaring evilly at Merlin and telling him telepathically that he will never forgive Merlin’s betrayal. 
 
Arthur and his men triumph, and take Alvarr prisoner. That night, Merlin takes the crystal while the other sleep and sees a vision of the Great Dragon destroying Camelot. 
 
 
Uther, who looks utterly bored, sentences Alvarr to die, and Morgana yells at him in private. Calls him an arrogant fool who ignores what his people needs. 
 
Morgana drugs the guards and helps Alvarr escape. Uther is sooooo pissed and though he doesn’t say it, it’s clear he knows it was Morgana who helped Alvarr. 
 
Merlin tells Gaius what he saw in the crystal. Gaius tries to reassure him that what he saw was just one possible future and it can be changed. That night, while Merlin is bed, the Great Dragon yells in his mind, demanding his freedom.
 
If I’d written this episode, I would have changed…Okay, so the crystal is supposed to be this hugely powerful magical object. Why didn’t Uther destroy it then? You’d think he would…but nope. It’s in the vaults – which we all know isn’t very secure – sitting on a fucking pillow, for crying out loud. 

It doesn’t make sense. I’d have had it better locked away, and provided some kind of reason Uther didn’t destroy it like everything else magical in the Great Purge. 

Thing(s) I loved about this episode—It’s easier to just share these…

Oh, Merlin in your nightshirt, shadows from the torches dancing over your collarbones…I’ve missed you, darling. #MerlinClub #PardonMe
— Jessica Jarman (@jessjarman) July 1, 2014

Oh my…seriously, Colin Morgan, You are KILLING me tonight. #MerlinClub #SansNeckerchief
— Jessica Jarman (@jessjarman) July 1, 2014

So, what did I love…Merlin/Colin. 

Oh and then there is this little bit…

I have no words. 

Thing(s) I hated about this episode—Arthur was particularly craptastic to Merlin in this episode. Perhaps because grabbing him by the throat and slamming him agains the wall was the most action he got with all the running around Uther had him doing? Maybe.  

Something I never noticed about this episode before—It took Arthur a REALLY long time to let go of Merlin’s throat when he had him up against that wall. And he recognized him right away, so that’s no excuse. Then, when he releases him, his “Oh, sorry”…the tone… Mm hmmm. 

Favorite costume— I’m fairly certain I’m choosing the same as Bron this week….

Horrible photo but look at him in those trousers, the leather vest and the leather gloves…. 
Oh my.

 

Here is proof of some head canon I’ve created—There was some hard core Merthur happening in this episode. Seriously. The choking scene… You can’t tell me that’s the first time Arthur has had Merlin by the neck. Breathplay. Yeah, they’ve done it before. 

What would Bron steal from Camelot in this episode? The table runner in Morgana’s room. Ignore the copious amount of fruit. :-/



What made Jen lose her shit (in a good or bad way) in this episode? The druid camps always being so close to Camelot. The druids should be smarter than that, yeah? 

Also, Morgana telling Uther he’s going to hell, where there’s no evidence Camelot has an official religion
 
Jen’s Merlin Club: The Witch’s Quickening Post

Until the next episode—The Fires of Idirsholas—which we’ll be watching on 7/7, at 8pm EST. We’ll be on Twitter with the hashtag #MerlinClub